hay gurl, haaaay

I made a last minute decision this past weekend. It was pretty tough- one of those ones where you wake up in the middle of the night about and ask yourself, “did I make a mistake?” Curious yet? Probably not but I’m not but I’m going to tell you anyway. I decided to take this semester off from school. *Pause*… Yes I’m going to go back. Please don’t start lecturing me telling me it’s my “last year and all”. Honestly, that is a huge reason why I am doing this, amongst others…

1) More time to work on my final film. I changed my story last minute and because this is what is going to represent me for some time, I need to put everything I have into it. It needs special care and I wasn’t feeling to sure about myself- pushing it out in just a year and all when I’ve only taken one animation class. I’m planning on purchasing myself a little $250 animation light box and going to town on my skills. Of course I’ll post everything and anything on my blog because feedback is very important to me. My old story felt distant. It wasn’t my baby and I wasn’t looking forward to doing it (sounds wrong). I shouldn’t feel this way about my senior project. Just sayin’.

2) Financial issues. Creditors are not confident in handing out loans due to the economy. Since most of my insurance benefits were taken away this past year from GM, I am going to be an independent on taxes this next year. How does this benefit me? I get more financial support from the state which means I a more likely to get a loan since the amount borrowed will be less than originally requested.

3) Self discovery. I don’t know who I am anymore. Every year that I have been at CCS I’ve had a boyfriend. Something that I remember an ex saying in a past relationship that has stuck with me is I need to break-up with myself. I can’t be jumping around like this; insecurities with myself, of being alone and looking for unconditional emotional support. It seems I’ve be going through school as a drone and not really enjoying it. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love what I do but I don’t ask myself “why do I do it” and “how it reflect on me as an artist”. These are important, especially since the work I’ve created thus far will be going into a portfolio I plan to pass on to the professionals.

4) Free time. I will be able to work on personal projects such as Saviors of Amity and other illustration work. I met up with my writer not to long ago over sushi and he’s just as excited as I am. We’re ready to do this and it will be such a strong portfolio piece for both of us- it just has to happen.

Anyways, I’m sure there are many more results in my decision but these are the main ones. I promise to take advantage of this time and actually do something with it. This summer, I let things get away from me. I should of did more drawing, planning, and all sorts of things. Shoulda, woulda, coulda, but I didn’t. I had the most depressing and emotionally draining time. It feels good to finally get back to “normal”, whatever that is. I lost my boyfriend, I had an untraditional relationship, my promising job screwed me over, and I was financially drained. Most would agree that there are worse things out there but when you’re alone and the weather reflects the opposite of what you’re feeling, in my opinion, it makes things worse with these situiations.

Well, I hope everyone is looking forward to my future endeavors and when I say “look forward to more frequent posts”, this time I mean it.

Mel

~ by melmeleatrice on September 9, 2009.